GAY XXX!

Monday, July 12, 2010

Tomorrow's Yesterday's News, Today.

Watch for telltale signs
by See N.A.

Family members play an integral part in monitoring extremists behaviour and self-radicalisation among individuals within their own family unit.

While presiding the launch of new HDB apartments in Bishan specially designed with elderly friendly features, Assistant Deputy Prime Minister; Minister of the Home and House; Second Minister, Internal Security Ministry; Assistant Minister, Ministry of Ministerial Affairs; and Minister, Ministry without Portfolio, Mr. Allwaes Digress, actually found time to venture into discussing the recent detention of a self-radicalied Full-Time National Serviceman.

He told reports present that family members must identify some key telltale signs that point towards "radical, extremists and dangerous" behaviour, and must certainly not pass this off as jokes, coffeeshop or empty political talk.

ADPM/MHH/SM,ISM/AM,MMA/MMP Digress' comment came after the NSF was self-radicalised by surfing the Internet and sending some emails. He also revealed that this was not an isolated incident and another individual, unrelated to the first case, was detained under the Internal Security Act (ISA) as of July 10.

27 year old Singaporean national, Linguine Noodles-Chen, who was working as a full part-time used-teabag deliveryman was detained under the ISA for radical, dangerous and extremists views held under his Pastafarian beliefs. He was alleged to have planned a series of attacks against the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (CFSM) by planning to contaminate sacks of pasta, deemed to be sacred by the CFSM, with noodles, bee-hoon and kway-teow. Plans were also discovered at his home for an island wide attack on fast food chain, PastaManiac, by swapping out all their pasta supplies with yellow noodles.

On this case, Mr. Digress said that such acts of terrorism "will not be condoned by this country, and all necessary steps will be taken to rid the nation of the scourge of terrorism caused by terrifying terrorists aiming to incite terror into the hearts of the citizenry."

Wrapping up the press conference, the Minister said that the new HDB apartments designed for the elderly were "very nice".

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Tomorrow's Yesterday's News, Today.

Hope for Singapore Representation
by Lin Nah Ber

With only 4 teams representing Singapore in this year's World Cyber Games Championships (WCG), many Singaporeans ponder if our country is really made for competing in international events, especially with the utter failure of "Goal 2010" and the upcoming Youth Olympic Games (YOG).

Commenting on the dismal state of this year's WCG representation, Team Leader of HaRdC0R3z G4m3rzzzxxx XOXO, Boh Tak Cek said, "This year very fews peoples is taking part in the WCG, lah. I is not knowing why also, leh, but good for my team, lah. A number of years ago we were not even qualifying for the Woolands Chumpionship, but now we coming top prace!"

However, plans to put Singapore on to the world stage in international events have already begun, as the boffins at the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports and the Education Ministry revealed. A governmental spokesman leading a joint task force (MCYS-EM-JTF) between the two ministries have revealed a solution, and is petitioning the Youth Olympic Games Committee to include it as early as the next YOG.

Minister of the Ministry Without Portfolio, Col-Gen (NS) Dr. Geh Kiang Nia, revealed in an exclusive interview, "We know Singapore isn't exactly cut out for most sports. Or games. Or sports and games. Which is why, the MCYS-EM-JTF has come up with a brilliant solution and has proposed it to the YOG Committee to consider. We have formulated a brilliant Olympic 10-year series event, whereby participants attempt to complete a Cambridge GCE "O" or "A" levels 10 year series in as little time as possible, scoring the most marks. We believe this is an effective two pronged approach in bringing Singapore to the international competitive platform while simultaneously allowing students to revise their work."

A spokesman for the MCYS-EM-JTF, who spoke to this reporter on condition of anonymity, revealed that local Mathematics assessment book guru, Mr. Andrew Uh How ToDo, will be a key consultant in the establishment of the first Singapore team for this event.

Friday, March 19, 2010

A mighty pain to love it is,
And 'tis a pain that pain to miss
But of all pains, the greatest pain
It is to love, but love in vain.

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Car

Are you in your twenties and thinking of buying a car?

Do you think your friends with cars are being cheapskate for always looking for cheap alternative parking?

Do you think your friends with cars are fucked up for not sending you home?

If your answer is 'Yes' to any of the above questions, CONGRATULATIONS! You are at the right article!

First, setting the cost of the car itself aside, let us calculate the average monthly costs of maintaining a car:

1. Road Tax for 1.5L Car: $682 annually
Monthly Amount: $56.83

2. Insurance for 1 year: $2,600 annually (With little or no NCD cause IRAS will go after parents for having so many cars despite meagre salary)
Monthly Amount: $216.67

3. Radio Licence Fee: $27 annually
Monthly Amount: $2.25

4. HDB/URA Season Parking Charges: $65 per month (Open Air CP)

5. Misc Parking Charges:
EPS URA Parking 4hrs every alternate day: 4 X $1.10 X 15 days
Monthly Charges: $66

6. ERP Charges:
Enter & Exit CBD once a bi-monthly during extreme peak periods only (conservative estimate)
Monthly Charges: $6

7. Petrol Charges:
Lump Sum estimate: $200 monthly (conservative estimate)

8. Season Parking at Campus ($40 per semester, 4 months per sem; conservative estimate)
Monthly charges: $10

Total Monthly Charges so far: $622.75

$622.75 per month, excluding loan repayments and depreciation. But let's round that down to $600. I'm not rich and all, and I pay for my own car out of the allowance I get from my dad from work. It might be (somewhat) easy money, but it's still meagre nonetheless. My savings are practically zilch. Some people are fortunate enough to get every aspect of the car paid for them, but well, I'm not one of them (sadly) because I'm independent (ahahaha, right)!

Ok anyway, most of the time, personally, it's not the money that I get all worked up at sending people back but the fact of whether people are appreciative of the effort or not. There are certain people that I always send back, no matter the distance nor the hour, simply because they are appreciative, and do not just hop into the car expecting to be sent home. And then again there are the type that just give a face longer than a list of politicians' scandals.

At times a simple "Is it on the way? Is it ok if you send me home? Just drop me by the main road, I'll walk a bit" goes a long way in helping people help you get back.

Your friend with the car does not only have you to send back on one day. Everyday, in different cliques, there will be people for the driver to send back. Remember that you are not the only one/the only day that the driver spends money on. You save the midnight charge and the cab fare each time, but the driver saves nothing and expends more resources (intagibles included e.g. time & sleep) to send you home.

Among the most appreciative frequent passengers I have are Gregory Beh and Lindsay Ong. Other fellow drivers who understand the pains and are appreciative during the few times of passenger-ship are Jason Wong and Nah Yao Qing.

Among the most unappreciative passengers, hah, you know who you are.

Nothing makes a worse passenger than just dropping your ass in the car, expecting to be sent home, or taunting/insulting the driver hoping for a ride home, or just saying "Bye" when you're finally home. So let us not be calculative with both the resources and the emotions/appreciation, be nice and we'd be nice. The world would be a better place already.

Pass it on, a little APPRECIATION goes a long, long way.

3 Rules to Being a Good Passenger:
1. Ask BEFOREHAND if it's OK to hitch a ride, not when everyone is disbanding & going home;
2. Give thanks and appreciation, before, during and after the ride;
3. Understand the driver's position, you're not the only one asking for a ride in the driver's life.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

The irrelevance of business studies.

Today, while working, I met one of those typical middle-aged gungho Chinese entrepreneur cum businessman type. Complete with a big belly and some semblance of a beard-in-progress of course.

"Fuck the marketing mix. It does jack shit!" Those were the words that he said upon hearing I was studying Business in university.

Then he basically went on to exalt himself and talk about his exploits and greatness in building up an empire out of nothing. But it got me wondering, it it really a less-than-relevant course of study? Come to think about it, it is all pretty much common sense. Paying tens to hundreds of thousands of dollars for someone to tell you what is essentially common sense is simply foolish, but of course no one wants to admit that. I think most people study such topics only because their bosses would promote them and/or give them a raise, and I guess that is sufficient.

Doing business is like driving a car. And somehow we would have D.Phil. (Motorsports) if there were actually as many people entering the motorsport arena as there are student entering university not wanting to do Arts, or Science, or Math, or Medicine, or Law, and uh, whatever.

It's like getting a Dr. Kimi Raikkonen telling you that:
A) To drive a car, you must not cross double white lines
B) Stop at the red light
C) Give way to vehicles that have right of way
D) Do not give the Rozzers The Finger.

It doesn't take a genius to figure out that to be successful you need a good price and product and the right means of distributing it to the customers and how to advertise it - it's common sense.

Aspects of business studies have been going on since biblical times; farmers stored more seeds and grain when they forecast a long winter. They sell their excess produce at higher prices during the long winter to desperate souls. And then of course, the bourgeois aristocratic dogs would come along and tax them all away.

Naturally, the same thing is happening today, albeit under a different guise.

Strategic studies is also increasing in demand, yet, do we really need someone to be telling us to "strike at the opponent's weakness" and to "know yourself and your enemy"? Well, apparently some people do. Like for example,

Ari Fleischer: "... there is no question that we have evidence and information that Iraq has weapons of mass destruction..." and,

Gen. Tommy Franks: "There is no doubt that the regime of Saddam Hussein possesses weapons of mass destruction."

But of course, I must also highlight some good aspects of strategic planning:
Then Prime Minister Lee Kuan Yew struck at the weakness of Singaporean students' language proficiency by implementing a bilingual education policy, forcing students to take two languages.

It all stems from the Boss' insecurity. Since they'd rather give a higher pay to someone with a Degree in Common Sense, I had better get myself the right set of tools to rip them off.

Sunday, November 08, 2009

SAF 9 Core Values

The SAF 9 Core Values for the 3G Soldier Are:
1. Loyalty to Country
2. Leadership
3. Discipline
4. Professionalism
5. Fighting Spirit
6. Ethics
7. Care for Soldiers
8. Not to get caught
9. When in Doubt, Angkat Bolah

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

tristan Weighs in on the whole Ris Low incident.

Right, at long last, after such a long absence from blogging, I shall weigh in on this issue on Ris Low that has set Internet forums alight with chatter and gossip.

The Ris Low incident began with Internet viral videos showing an interview of her during her pageant run as Miss World Singapore. While showing no judge of her character, it revealed that her ability to converse in English, and her diction, was at that point of time, unacceptable. For weeks, newspaper and Internet forums and Facebook status (there is no plural for status; it is an uncountable noun, so says my Collins Cobuild dictionary which I bothered digging up for, and I will beat you to death if you argue with me) were ablaze with varying opinions on whether she should represent Singapore.

The title of Miss World Singapore entails certain expectations and responsibilities, and while the process of winning the title could be said to be difficult, the process of living up to the responsibilities of the title is definitely an arduous one. Even though society terms it as a "Beauty Contest/Pageant", the very idea of choosing a representative of a nation, and thereafter the World, based on superficial beauty alone is a fallacy. In today's modern world, beauty can be constructed - literally. All one needs to do is either to pay copious amounts of money for make-up or in extreme cases, plastic surgery. Moreover, beauty is a highly subject trait, with different cultures and individual perceptions coming into play. In many cultures during ancient antiquity, larger individuals were deemed to be beauty due to the perception of prosperity and wealth. Compare this to the modern world, whereby people still cannot agree on what beauty truly is; to be stick thin, or to have some weight on our bodies.

In a bid to alleviate this apparent flaw in pageants, organisers rush to hire a myriad of judges from different backgrounds and nationalities, include cognitive and personality tests and even get the common man on the street to vote for their beauty queen. All these put Pageant Queen hopefuls through the grind, demanding high levels of performance in both brawn and brain while simultaneously winning the support of her countrymen. Therefore, the first and foremost criteria of being a beauty queen would be to adhere to industry standards. that is to appear aesthetically pleasing, while also being confident and sophisticated. While there is little debate on the issue of Ris being pleasing to the eyes, there is definitely inconsistency on how she is able to engage people cognitively through well-structured and coherent sentences.

Weighing in on the issue, ERM World Marketing, the organiser of Miss World Singapore mentioned in a press release that "Singaporeans did not pay for her". While the statement is a fact, it is foolhardy to assume and even publicly proclaim such a statement. The very fact that her title holds the term Miss Singapore makes her a representative of the country. It is only right that Singaporeans should have a say in their beauty queen, especially if their arguments are sound and logical. The title of Singapore carries with it the responsibility of a national icon, and as stakeholders of national icons, the people definitely have a right to be heard. The statement from ERM's representative displayed a thorough lack of understanding and has also immediately taken a defence stance on the issue when probed for comments, which blatantly exposed a lack of corporate social responsibility. National icons involve national pride, and the people have every right to be infuriated if Singapore Airlines decided to rename itself or drastically change the image of the Singapore Girl.

Opponents would argue that Ris should have been allowed to keep her crown, and that Singaporeans should be lower than expectations, more understanding and less critical of beauty queens. Some even argued that Ris should be commended for trying to speak in English despite not being well-versed with the language. Indeed, Singaporeans have been more critical of beauty queens than they should be, especially with highly blasphemous and hurtful statements.

However, first impressions do matter, and studies have shown that first impressions are formed within the first three seconds of interaction, with a large emphasis on visual and audio stimulation. Ris did put in effort into speaking in English, and perhaps she might have achieved brilliant results at the international competition. On the other hand though, is it really wise to continue to compete in a particular aspect that one is not strong in? Swimmers do not compete in track and field events and vice versa despite all of them being athletes. Moreover, when it comes down to the final crunch, surely it will not be worthwhile to be taking such a big risk and gamble when the Miss World pageant rules stipulate that other languages be allowed?

The strongest argument against Ris keeping her crown would be her past conviction of credit card fraud. In 2008, she spent over $8,000 over a two month period by using her company's clients' credit cards which she stole when she was working as a clinic assistant. She also insinuated that her past conviction was a small matter as she was only given probation in lieu of a jail-term and does not see how that affects anything.

Clearly, her act of selfishness is clearly not one that a Miss World participant should display. As a potential role model to millions across the whole, honesty and integrity is a key attribute that such a person must have, as highlight by one of our Member of Parliaments to a local newspaper. Her fraud was definitely not a moment of folly as it spanned over a period of two months and she spent her ill-gotten gains on luxury items like watches and handbags, indulging in her consumerist lifestyle with no apparent thought for her victims, some of which may not be affluent enough to pay of the minimum sum, thereby incurring a high rate of interest and falling into a vicious cycle of debt. The probation placed upon her for such a serious breach of trust and the law was merely a slap on the wrist as many others have been prosecuted and been given far more stringent sentences for stealing much less valuable items. Without doubt, the issue at hand would not be the amount stolen but also the act itself, and the Mens Rea (the intention to commit) as well, of which there would definitely be no contest due to the extended duration and the number of times she wilfully used the stolen credit cards without thinking about the consequences.

A role model, which is what beauty pageants queens are, have to be of impeccable moral character, for the many youths to align their morals and values to. It is no wonder why parents do not encourage their children to have Bernie Madoff and Gary Sorenson as role models, despite their apparent ingenuity in being able to defraud billions from names like Santander, HSBC and RBS.

Perhaps what is most obvious from this whole incident is the revelation of how narrow-minded and into elitism Singaporeans are. We all follow the bandwagon and align ourselves to people who speak impeccable English, procure immense wealth, have great personalities, intellect and experience. Numerous Singaporeans love to see themselves as one of those up the ladder, be it economic, social or whatever. They hide behind their facade of being able to speak the Queen's English and the numerous digits of their bank accounts in Singapore, Switzerland and Monte Carlo. Yet, it is these same people, in trying too hard to impress, blurt out words like "irregardless", "sheeps" or "economical situation". In fact, if you bothered to reread this entire post, I will be willing to wager a tenner that it would be riddled with errors and fallacies.

I feel that the greatest difficulty in life and the greatest achievement of all, would be to be perfectly normal and to be able to enjoy the little subtleties of life. I derive great pleasure from paying $3 for a plate of filling and tasty mixed-vegetable rice from the neighbourhood stall and scorn when I have to pay $200 for a meal with a portion which would keep me satiated for all but 7 minutes after dining.

I cannot deny that I myself am guilty of worldly pleasures, lusting for things which a well-paid marketing professional has spent hours working on, like an iPod. In fact, I have even been down the road whereby I look at school uniforms which I do not recognise and scoff deep down in my heart.

At the end of the day, perhaps we need to evaluate ourselves and see if we have fallen into the trap of clever marketing and their gimmicks, be it for a product, for a school, for a course of study or for our ideals and aspirations. How many of us can identify at least one person in our life who has appeared to achieve all that can be desired, and yet seem strangely unfulfiled? Do you really want to wait until you are gasping for air on your oxygen regulator that your wished you did something else with your life be it going to a different university, marrying a different partner or even just not buying that cooking wok that you really fancied?

Ris gave the pageant a good try, and that is all that matters. At the end of the day, she would be able to say "at least I tried". And for that, I shall continue to give her my support, not because she falls within my criterion of aesthetically-pleasing females, nor is she my idea of a national icon due to my upbringing and influences. It is because of the amount of debate that she alone brewed out of our uniform, boring and inherent stupidity in being Singaporean.

And oh, personally, I think she should not retain her crown too.